Thursday, August 28, 2008

DS games: The mandatory (cutesy) narrative

Short: There are many (Nintendo) DS games coming with absolutely childish, abysmal, forced and most unexpected backstories.

I had fond memories of Bubble Bobble, so I picked Double Shot. Bang! Stupid story. Who cares if Flip Flap and Flop come from soap land and have lost something I can't even bother to remember?

I tried Kirby and Mice thing, and dang, they did it. I loved the art and gameplay in Kirby games since day one. That said it's also obviously geared at kids, and the scenario is adequately retarded... since kids are retards. You didn't know that I bet... the evil penguin has robbed Kirby's piece of cake! So Kirby goes to Mr. Penguin's castle, kills a million creatures on his way to vengeance, just to get back his well deserved (?) dessert. The irony of this is that your enemies will often drop cakes, fruits and other candies as you bash them to sparkly death, but I suppose the cake which Kirby was about to dissect had something special. Vindicative? Well, Kirby's an adventure game, so the presence of a plot is acceptable here. It's just that it's downright retarded. But there's not much to take seriously here. It is, after all, a game for kids in all possible aspects. The trouble here is that it seems to permeate to games which are the less likely candidates you would have thought of for such narrative styles and the even more forced presence of (mediocre) storylines.

Where it gets really bad, it's for puzzle games.

A (not so) better example: Prism, way of the light, or light your way... pff.
Again, some retarded scenario for such a game: the biiiig evil monster eats the light falling into a black hole or some similar nonsense, so you must help the gobots or whatever, who also live in that hole, to survive by feeding them light generated by other fuzzy creatures. Oh my.
The "plot" itself wouldn't have been worth a thousand gallons of vomit if it didn't treat you like a two neurons twat chained down in your parents' basement and still wearing diapers.

Or should I cite Meteos Disney Magic? ... -_-'

There's like a good many of such games with just pointless and embarrassing stories I gladly skip.
The question is why? The colours, the tone, all is there to make you feel you're part of a Teletubbies machiavelic spin-off.

Well, no surprise, it's the DS. Good games on it, but there's a price to pay.

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