Sunday, January 16, 2011

Miss Terry

I was watching that miserable review of Predators by IGN, aptly rebranded as IGNorant by some Youtube poster.
OK, the movie wasn't necessarily great. It just tries too much to be like Predator, yet it seems many reviewers miss just how the whole first movie reeked off low budget. Perhaps that's what makes bigger budget Predator moves not so good, I don't know, since more money often tends to remove the cheap factor that is essential to the cult part.
Still, the movie was quite enjoyable and hardly as cringe worthy as Predator 2 or those abortions of crossovers.


I think the sequence with "Machete" (sorry) was very cool, and "Morpheus" (re-sorry) was a very nice addition as some routine nutjob, although I wish he had lived much longer!
All other characters made sense in their own way, the Yakuza killer was cool, and the Israeli female soldier was, in lack of better words, plain logical (regardless of your opinion about the on going real life shit storm in the relevant region).
What I don't get though is why the last Predator could blow up the ship on remote, yet not bring it back.


But I'm not writing this to review the movie.
What made me cringe was one particular comment to that mediocre "review":

Good movie really!
But why do they always leave out the simple and easy stuff?
Like the predators collecting trophies, or healing themselfes.
If they want to do something new, why not invent females?
Or maybe explain more about there economy? I mean they must have one with all that technology, or something alike ^^
Still I like this movie!
Better then that avp requim garbage, cant see shit in that film.

You that thing that really makes fans go crazy and keeps a franchise alive on its own merits, that thing that is deeply underrated, and which every single sequel and Hollywood movie tends to get rid off as soon as possible, you know... mystery... why don't people care about it anymore?
Next day, they'll beg for Geroge Lucas to show Yoda's planet and a world full of lookalikes with pointy ears. Because it would be so cool.

So what is this bloke asking for ?

Predator females.
I can't imagine something more offensive than Predator females.
As a matter of fact, what tells us that they have females at all? Or why aren't those Predators we see the females?
Oh but wait, that's not all. Our local genius is asking for...

Yes, as Predator economy. It's not like you're watching a movie to satiate a certain need for escapism. It's not like the whole world is going down in flames because of some major screw up in economy you know.
No. You really want to see more Economy. Big Brain wants some Smart inside his Predator movie, and all he could think of is economy. He wants to go to the theater and watch a bid budget Predator : Financial Times.

Yep, seriously.

Why not ask for a movie about the thrilling life of a Predator babysitter, or a Predator ship builder. After all, they must have babies, and we know they have spaceships! We need to know!
Oh and I want to see the life of Predator Einstein, since some Predator has to have come with the design for those arm nukes, right?
Hey! We need to know what they eat! Do they have recipes? That's so exciting!

No, really, why don't you leave us alone and try to make your IMAGINATION work instead, and if possible, keep all those fantastic ideas to yourself. Don't feel any urge to share them with the whole world, thanks.

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